Week In Perspective: The time has come to talk of monkey things

OMG THAT MONKEY IS LISTENING TO AN IPOD!!!!!!!!

Or, Three paragraphs just to tell Paul Rudnick to stop being such a
hack.

Monkeys come up a lot. In TV shows, in science experiments, in the jungle, in movies about science experiments or the jungle, at the zoo. Everyone knows monkeys are funny, even the word is funny. I think it's the unk sound, because Dunk and Uncle are also
funny, as are dunkaroos. Also my uncle dunking a basketball while eating dunkaroos.

Monkeys are even infiltrating our judicial system, and have been since the beginning of America/time. There was the Scopes Monkey trial in 1925, over teaching evolution in schools. In 1824 there was Gibbons V Ogden, in which two Gibbon monkeys who drove steamships were arguing over Congress's right to regulate commerce. Then one monkey hit the other monkey on the head and everyone laughed and the case was thrown out, because how can we stay mad at each other on such a sunny day? Most recently, a Liberian woman that wanted to eat monkeys was taken to court over her right to continue her tribal custom of eating "non-human primate species" (my foul ex-friend Violet?).

Yes, monkeys are funny, whether they are in diapers or smoking cigarettes, both of which make them look like old people, and maybe there is a lesson in that. But monkeys are also serious, as they are in court all the time. And you know what else is serious? Monkey jokes. Seriously OLD. With this serious realization on the cultural weight of monkeys, it is time to lay these jokes to rest. That includes you, Paul Rudnick.