Friend of the Site Thursday

HEARTS ARE REAL BEATING THINGS WITH FEELINGS OK?!?!?!??!?!?

By which I mean "here is Hans's piece."

Valentine’s Day
By Hans

Yes, its true, the hallmark holiday is upon us again. A time to express one’s love for a significant other through tender and meditated gestures. Perhaps some flowers followed by dinner, maybe a glass of red wine followed by coitus? Perhaps we have lost sight of what this holiday is really about, much like we have lost sight of Christmas’ true meanings (not applicable to James.) What is Valentine’s Day really about?

Long before Valentine’s Day was ever associated with love, it was known as Lupercalia, an ancient Greco-Roman holiday in which young, noble boys would run through the city in the nude, carrying shaggy thongs to strike anyone they met. Women seeking fertility would purposely intersex…I mean intersect with these young boys, believing they would be aided in conceiving. A strong proponent of Greco-Roman style wrestling, I can’t help but be a fan of this ritual. How have we strayed so far from ourselves? (Does not apply if you are not Greco-Roman) Tell me what could possibly be more romantic than arming ourselves with shaggy thongs and running amuck. Think of the children. Think of the children to be had.

The word Lupercalia is derived from lupus, or wolf, which I found fascinating as my only experience with lupus is my chronic joint pain. The name Lupercalia suggests a connection to the legend of how Rome was founded. Romulus and Remus suckled the teat of a wolf after they were orphaned. Personal experience has informed me that wolf’s milk is neither tasty nor easy to get, there are many nipples on those things. As if naked boys aren’t enough to make this holiday truly special, priests would make a sacrifice of two goats and one dog to the she-wolf. The blood (it’s the color of love) would then be spread throughout the streets to promote fertility as well as keep the wolves away. On second thought, I don’t think spreading blood around would keep wolves away, and vulnerable boys definitely would not, but boy it would be cool.

Valentine’s Day has certainly come a long way, but who is to say we can’t re-connect with our past instead of someone who probably doesn’t love you anyways. I know what I’ll be doing this Valentine’s Day and I invite you to join me. You bring the boys and shaggy thongs, I’ll bring the goats.