Nostalgia for Disappearing Knowledge: Part one of a series

I generally embrace the relaxed dress code of today's American society. I think it's swell that people are free to explore the frontiers of fashion and the limits of how tight pants can be in order to express themselves. I like not getting laughed at (to my face) by anyone for the clothes I wear. But as an ardent nostalgaist and a dabbling sartorialist, I sometimes wish for times of stricter dress codes. The times when dinner jackets were worn to dinner, hunting jackets for hunting, smoking jackets for smoking, and morning jackets for riding horses.

This does not mean I wish everybody looked the same. Individuality still exists, just in a less obvious way. Wearing an ironic t-shirt that nobody has is one way to show everyone how cool you are. But I'd rather be in olden times and wear the same fedora everyone else wore except fold the brim low and cock it to the side. If everyone is wearing a tuxedo subtle differences make things cool or not. So many decisions to make. Peaked lapels or notched? Shawl collar or wing collar?

This piece originated as a flash in my brain that said "what's up with all these different kinds of Jackets? Let's write a history of Jackets." That I would have to undergo historical research tells enough. These conventions are not widely known. College libraries and academic databases don't even know. I resorted GQ for background information. It almost makes me sad that this kind of information is disappearing. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to research nineteenth century sailing terminology.

Caption Contest

What is going on in this picture?

Self Hating Nerds

It's been a rough morning for all of us here. We tried to write, but we just ended up instant messaging from our respective libraries. James goes to Olin Library where the lighting and bodies are soft. I go to Science Library because there is a harsh fluorescent glare and tons of hot athletes.

A tasty sampling:

Smophietown25: there is the hugest nerd brigade here in the library right now
Smophietown25: i'm so bored right now
Jroz618: well wtf are you doing in sci li?
Smophietown25:i didn't know what else to do
Jroz618: Go home and do something if you don't have anything to do
Smophietown25: like it didn't even occur to me that i don't have work
Smophietown25: it's just a reflex to go to sci li
Jroz618: oh soph

Jroz618: In 3rd grade I spelled my name Jamamie on a spelling test and
the teacher showed the whole class.

Smophietown25: Girls in Dublin are so tacky. Don’t they realize that it is a)not SUMMER and b)ugly to wear that, so please take off your white linen shorts, stilettos, and shirt that is really just a bra, and wash off like 10 pounds of that makeup.

Jroz618: i hate this stop mainstreaming wes bullshit because most people who say it are incredibly boring themselves
Smophietown25: i hate everyone
Jroz618: and just pretend to be unique because they are so lame
Jroz618: they are what TS Eliot was talking about
Smophietown25: omg so true
Smophietown25: they are the wasteland
Smophietown25: more like the gay land

This has been fun!

Words, Words, Words, or: The Scott/Ben Franklin dictionary

Did I seriously write that?

James is away on a real Spring Break trip, while I'm at home getting caught up on work, sleep, and crying into a pile of Splenda. Since our respective plans for the next two weeks means we won't be posting much, I thought I'd give you a few new phrases to practice using in the downtime. In the tradition of Dr. Johnson's dictionary, here they are, courtesy of friend of the site Scott, except for the first one, which is from urboy Ben Franklin:

1. Halfway to Concord--Adj, from Ben Franklin. Means drunk.
1a. Concord--Adj, from James. Means blackout.

Note: The rest of these will all be from Friend of the Site Scott.

2. Peep--verb, to look at something. ("Who is this guy you've been dating? I peeped him on facebook, and he looks like a total lame." Sidenote: Scott uses Lame as a noun, and you should too).
3. Chuckie--Noun. Means a lame.
4. Right in my wheelhouse--Adj. Means to one's liking ("I peeped her in class, she's right in my wheelhouse.")
5. Chickadee—Proper noun. What you call a girl you think is pretty. Also use this when you can't remember a girl's name.
6. Freako/Piggo--Term of indearment. Use this when you can't remember people’s names. Not gender specific.

I hope we all learned something today. I know I did.

Week in Perspective

When you write on the internet, anyone can hear you. My Ben Franklin post on Monday caused something of a stir in my family. When I posted it, I was more worried about future employers reading it than my parents, since they have some idea of my habits anyway. I reassured my mother and father over the phone that some parts of the story were exaggerated for effect. She then asked, "What about twelve beers in twenty two minutes?" No, that was true.

My mother sent me this note after reading the post.

You made your mother look up venery in the dictionary. But you also made me laugh out loud. Not telling which parts. And I'm getting closer to the derivation of your nickname, but the closer I get, the less I want to know. Finally, 12 beers in 22 minutes sounds like bad judgment no matter what century you are living in or whose rules you are following.

Love,

Mommy

I guess that's "approval."

Have a good weekend, we'll see you Monday.

Take me to the river

The most common territory dispute

Fighting over territory is a part of human interaction. Initially developed when we were hunter-gatherers, now most people experience territorial conflicts early in life, in the automotive setting. Children learn to defend, by any means, their side of the back seat. In this spirit, a border dispute has erupted between Ohio and Kentucky. If you’ve ever looked at a map of the United States, you may be asking yourself, “How is this possible? There’s a huge river between them. Shouldn’t it be obvious where the border is?”

According to the Times a rock that was once in the Ohio River is the disputed territory. People would carve their initials on this rock when the river was low enough. It got the name “Indian Head Rock” because nobody knew who carved a crappy smiley face on it so it must have been an Indian. An Ohioan historian brought it ashore recently, which set off a controversy that has everyone from grade school children to state legislators furious. According to the Times article, “High school seniors are being asked to write position papers on the following: “Why the rock should be Ohio’s and not Kentucky’s.” Reginald Meeks, a Kentucky state representative has different ideas. Meeks stood strongly for Kentucky’s rights, sponsoring a resolution calling for the return of the rock to Kentucky so that the people of Kentucky will inherit it for generations. You know thing’s are going well in our country when our educational system is so efficient that fourth graders tackle the same issues as elected officials.

I am neither an elected official nor a fourth grader, but I have an opinion on this matter. The rock should stay with the historian who raised it from the river bed. I don’t see why Meeks or Kentucky would have any claim to this rock. They didn’t do anything about it. If you raise a huge rock from the bottom of a river it should be yours. And I can tell you right now that the face wasn’t carved by an Indian. An expertise in Native American rock carvings isn’t even necessary. Just use your brain.

Caption Contest

Come on, you've always wanted to.

Week In Perspective

We're at the end of another stellar Monocles Galore week. We want to thank Eli for being this week's Friend of the Site, and all of you for reading and your contributions to the caption contests. Here are this week's co-winners "The quality of penthouse pets has really gone down lately. Look at this young lass here..." and "if i knew more about erotic gay literature, i would write a caption that made it seem as though that is what they were reading." Perhaps many of our readers come from British prep schools. [Sophie's note: Perhaps they were written BY ROBERT GRAVES, WHO DID GO TO BRITISH PREP SCHOOL, FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]

A lot of people ask us how we come up with ideas for our posts. We get struck by inspiration in all kinds of places, the worst being the kidneys. This scene actually happened, and exemplifies the creative process behind Monocles Galore.

Scene: Editor's meeting at James's house

James's dad: So what is this?

James: It's like…you know…a website…with like…where we're funny, and we're like…writing, like, in the style of like….other writers.

Sophie: It's humor writing about literature and history

James's dad: So who provides the humor and who provides the literature?

Sophie and James: Blank stares.

James's dad: yeah…so, what, it's like George Washington crossing the Delaware and then you make fun of him because he had a leaky boat?

James: Haha no that's stupid

Sophie (whisper): James, write that down.

Have a great weekend.

Have you found Jesus?

Get the religious iconography here?

Whenever I read a novel, I try to figure out which character represents Jesus. I don’t know, someone I can’t remember said that maybe it was a good idea.

To be fair, I haven’t read the bible, so my knowledge about the Gospel has arrived in a circuitous route. (Everything I know about the New Testament I learned from The Waste Land) I get excited when I match a character to Jesus. An exchange in class today:

James: “I think Sebastian might be Jesus because at the end he grows a beard.”

Class laughs

James: under his breath “I don’t know; I’m Jewish.”

Professor: Well that doesn’t mean you can’t look for religious iconography.

My professor had a good point. Just because you haven’t read something, doesn’t mean you can’t talk about it with authority. I kind of get the point; Immaculate Conception, miracles, carpenter, beard, betrayed, dies for the sins of humanity, and is reborn. So basically anything that has sacrifice and death and rebirth is Jesus. Here are some connections I have made.

Tom Sawyer by Mark Twain-Tom Sawyer.

He resurrects himself. Also, likes to lie down by the river.

Touchdown for Tommy by Matt Christopher: Orphan Tommy

He tries to get his foster father/coach to adopt him by playing well, thus carrying a burden, and making him Jesus. In never revealing the identity of Tommy’s biological father Christopher deftly leaves open the possibility that he could have been God.

Hamlet William Shakespeare: Hamlet

His father is a ghost. Oh, but his mother is not a virgin. And no beard. Nevermind.

The Bible: Moses

He doesn’t get to go into the promised land, thus making a sacrifice.

The Old Man and the Sea by Ernest Hemingway: The Fish

Wait . . . the old man?

Manliest Moments in History

Nice guns, lolz!!!!


Sophie
Note: James came up with this ridiculous idea that we work together on a piece, which I hate. I didn't want to do this, but we're on a time crunch, and someone's gotta pay the bills around here. Personally, I think calling anything in history "manly," and then assuming that this is somehow cool, is stupid. But not like anyone listens to me anyway, so here's my list, jerks. I'm going to the movies.

-Hemingway’s entire existence
-JFK’s hookup with Marilyn Monroe
-Caning of Charles Sumner. The guy that beat him up, though probably mentally ill, took Sumner out in front of EVERYONE.
-Goldmining Era
-Sherman’s march. Sherman was a total baller and just drove through the south destroying everything in his path. Ok, it paved the way for years of the south as an economic backwater with tremendous social and racial division. But it all worked out for the best, right?
-Teddy Roosevelt and the Rough Riders.
-FDR crippled yet able to walk.
-Kid Curry, famous outlaw Butch and Sundance’s Hole In The Wall Gang, escaped from jail, and this other time he killed a guy and the guy’s friends and the cops that came to get him.


James
Note: Sophie is a lame.

-When Maximus Decimus Meridius was commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix legions, loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius, but then he got betrayed by the emperor’s son who became the new emperor so then Maximus had to go save his family but then his family was dead so he was father to a murdered son and husband to a murdered wife and he became a gladiator who defied an emperor, and he had his vengance.
-The time the firemen came to my house because my attic smelled like burning. Firemen are sweet.
-Andrew Jackson and the trail of tears. He never cried.
-When Harrison Ford said, “Get off my plane.”

Caption Contest

Email us with your caption for this painting for a chance to win an excellent prize

Anyone who writes "The Death of General Wolf" automatically loses.

Week in Perspective

Sophie gets to go here! For free!

In case you missed it, (chances are you did) we’ve made some big changes to the site this week. We added the weekly schedge to the column to your right so you can tell what day it is by what you’re reading on MG. We had our first caption contest and guest writer posts. Since nobody submitted a caption, Sophie won the contest. She receives a free pass to the spacious Lincoln Memorial in our nation’s capital.* Look for next week’s caption contest on Captioncontestday. (Tuesday, for those who cling to the old-fashioned nomenclature)

Our link of the week (from Sophie’s dad): Jill Lepore, one of my favorites, reviews “The Papers of Benjamin Franklin,” another favorite, in the New Yorker: http://www.newyorker.com/arts/critics/atlarge/2008/01/28/080128crat_atlarge_lepore

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* transportation, lodging, and food not included

Presidential Very Hopefuls

It's a good idea to compare yourself to this guy

I’d recently been wondering which current candidates admired which real presidents. Luckily, NPR read my mind and asked several candidates this important question.

Fred Thompson, Barack Obama, and John McCain all had a chance to point out the best presidents, and cleverly hint at how they were similar. In a gutsy move Thompson endorsed George Washington, because he “never returned to the capital” once he left office, exactly what the former senator is trying to do. The visionary bringer of change, Obama, chose Lincoln. McCain, who has apparently read a history book, chose the first sixteen presidents, Teddy Roosevelt, Reagan, and Truman.

This told me a lot about these candidates. Anyone can look at some cash and ramble about the greatness of America and make a politically acceptable answer. But I would have preferred an unexpected answer.

I would have chose William Henry Harrison, for his unbelievable courage for, at age sixty eight, delivering his two hour inaugural address, followed by a parade, in the cold rain without wearing a cloak. He reportedly told aides, “I am Old Tippecanoe, and I am the decider, and I am not going to wear a cloak.” He died of a cold a month into his presidency. That’s what I call staying the course.

Our Favorites on Screen: TJ and Oscar Wilde in The Rock

Sean Connery is well versed in combat and literature

I first saw The Rock starring Nicholas Cage (and directed by the pride of Wesleyan University, Michael Bay) when I was ten. I immediately pronounced it the greatest film ever. But after watching it for the first time in a few years, it got better. Already a subtle film with an intricate plot, it has many excellent jokes. (some of the best feature twitching corpses) But Sean Connery's joke in the clip above, which I had missed before, put it over the top. Maybe I missed the joke because I didn't know who Oscar Wilde was the last time I saw it, or I was distracted by Ed Harris's swift 'bow to Connery's neck. I guess I should have expected a witty Wilde reference in a Hollywood blockbuster about a renegade group of marines who hold San Francisco Bay for ransom with VX poison gas missiles, the country's only hope being a science nerd and a washed up James Bond.

Week in Perspective

The first week of the life of Monocles Galore has been a whirlwind for us, so here’s a look at what happened on our side of the internet. We started this site because we love everything in the sidebar to your right; essentially, dead white men and what they wrote. We’re like the kids history class who made snide remarks about the lectures, except we kept it to ourselves, until now. Right now, I’m like one of those no name guests on the WGA strike version of A Daily Show; I’m so happy to be here I can’t form a coherent point.

Along with getting the site off the ground, (it took lots of time for me to write the code) it has been a busy week in the (proverbial) Monocles Galore office. Sophie has spent more time in IKEA than most people do in their entire lives, and she hasn’t even bought as much as a Nyttja (picture frame, $2.99). And I went to White Castle.

For the past week, Sophie has been a PA for the comedian Mark Malkoff’s film Mark Lives in Ikea, in which he lives in Ikea. check it out.

As for me, aside from demolishing White Castle cheeseburgers, I recently came across a passage in Brideshead Revisited in which a drunken college student yells out the window at passersby lines from The Waste Land. I feel this is cooler than anything I’ve ever done in college, and is an example of something we love; a poem about the tragedy of lost traditions in a book about the tragedy of lost traditions. So if you’re into that kind of thing, keep checking for new posts, and if you’re not, keep checking and soon you will be.

Presidential hopefuls vie for laughs, votes

Martin Van Buren wasn't funny,

but he was, as my father and all 5th

graders would say, funny looking.

The other night I accidentally watched the end of the New Hampshire debate. (Dirty Jobs with Mike Rowe wasn’t on.) After they stopped talking about the problems plaguing our country, Chaz Gibson turned to more interesting subjects. He asked each contestant what dumb statement they made that they would like to take back. An excellent opportunity for them to show their “I’d have a beer with that guy” appeal. (Start at 4:30) Bill Richardson showed great comedic timing. Even Edwards and Clinton managed more than courtesy laughs. But Obama proved he was the least funny candidate ever. Luckily for him, America is no stranger to a president with no sense of humor.
George H.W. Bush: White House guests thought Barbara was the funny one.
Andrew Jackson: Least likely name for a stand up act: Andrew Jackson: Old Hickory. Second least likely name: Old Hickory: Older and Woodier
Ulysses S. Grant: Actually invented the “joke,” “Who’s buried in Grant’s Tomb?”
Calving Coolidge: Created the gem “Keep it cool with Coolidge.”
Warren Harding: Even his alleged Klan buddies got sick of his racist jokes, but had to laugh anyway, because he was the president. Also, he thought running the country into the ground would be a good joke.